The Thinking Other Woman

What you should know BEFORE your affair.

*** Why Should You Resolve Your Affair Situation?? Because "SHOULD FEELS LIKE SHIT!" On the blog, 5/25/23.

*** Where is Unconditional Love in the Extramarital Affair? On the BLOG, 3/23/23.

*** An Onrushing, Oncoming, MEDIUM-sized Train Wreck, on the BLOG, 3/15/23. 

*** NEW! 10/30/22. Most Affair-Related Writing is Slanted, and Doesn't Tell You The Whole Story.

*** New: Should You Contact Your Cheating Spouse's Affair Partner? (On my new book's website.)

*** ANNOUNCING ... My new ebook is live on Amazon! Some of the content is available for                                                   free right here, but much of it isn't. If you find anything here helpful, please 

                                 check out my new book! For the next five days, you can read it FREE!  

All my Medium essays are here, comprising everything I've learned about third-party relationships over the past seven years.

I've gleaned all this, not only from wolfing down every affair recovery book and video I could find from the most respected experts, but from those many people I heard from going through the experience themselves as I posted these essays over a period of two years.

Thanks to the magic of the internet, I've been able to include links to the very stories I learned so much from, so that other wise voices who've been through the same thing as you can tell you their stories as I put together a comprehensive overview of the extramarital affair. I've also included every resource I used in a handy reference section at the back.

An affair is perhaps the most painful, challenging experience we will ever go through in adult life.

This website isn't here to judge or condemn. That doesn't help anything (although a lot of judgmental people think it does.) So many websites and articles about affairs just slap your hand and say,

                                    "It's bad. Don't do it."

But they don't help you understand the deeper reasons why, or what is really going on. What I've found is that when we deeply see these things for ourselves, the right way is clearer. And it's different for each situation.

This website is here to help you THINK, which is what you really need to do.


Everything that happened in my affair could have been predicted from how we grew up and what our families were like. I had spent a lot of time reading psychology and self help after growing up with a mother with borderline personality disorder, but I still wasn't prepared for just how rigidly our childhoods program us for the relationships we will have in our later lives. That's why there will be so much information on personality disorders and psychology linked here.  Childhood sets us up for a lot.

    For another thing, everything that happened actually WAS predicted ... in our horoscopes. That the onset and the course of a stable love triangle could be described with such accuracy by a discipline I had never believed in was shocking to me. Not only that, but the astrology I was reading also accurately described the psychology I read behind all that had happened. Astrology has provided a major guidebook to my healing, and that’s why there’s an astrology tab on here. I want to explain how this came to be true.


Lastly, the blog will provide the threads to string the story together. I hope it can help you make sense of your story. Because if I've discovered anything over the past four years, it's that everything really does happen for a reason. We're supposed to master something through these experiences, and clues tend to hide in plain sight. If you're here, you're here because you are having a painful time in your relationship life. Applying a little thought, doing a little research, even into areas you think are bogus, and slowing it all down a bit is never a bad idea.

*This website more than likely does not display well on a phone. I apologize for the fact that you're going to have to view it on an ipod, desktop, or laptop, but the concepts I'm talking about are weighty and need actual paragraphs. Ones that are more than one sentence long. This website is the product of years of intensive work. If you want to heal from the issues that are leading you into an affair, that is what you will have to do. So, be prepared for some readin' and some scrollin'.

As you probably already know, life isn't always simple. Neither is this site.