The Thinking Other Woman

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The affair's been over almost eight years. I haven't even seen his face in over seven. We haven't spoken in five.

So, what the hell is UP with this???

Since I wrote "Let's Just Kiss and Say Goodbye" in April of this year, my married ex-boyfriend has very seldom actually read any of my blogs. Now he just stops by and stares at the blog headlines.

Good grief.

To be sure, the above visits are said to come from someone in Montreal. I don't know anyone in Montreal, and I doubt very seriously anyone there would find these entries of any particular interest. Not enough to come back and stare at them over and over.

Especially since the previous incarnation of this view pattern from an Android phone was from "Baltimore." These visits, with the same view pattern, have also shown up from "Norfolk." Now and then I will leave him a message, one that's obviously for him, and I know it's him because these get read over and over.

VPN, anyone?

People may laugh at the idea of "Twin Flames," but here we do have real evidence of a connection where the people never forget one another. This isn't the only screen like this. It's only the latest one.

It's very interesting to look up the astrological charts and see what they have to say about this relationship, too.

In a nutshell, it was a fated meeting. We planned to fall in love and have a wrenching parting (or it could have been a wild sexual affair and then a wrenching parting. We skipped the "wild sexual" bit) that was supposed to wake us up to all the unhealed childhood issues we had left over in our lives to resolve.

Oh, by the way, her, too. The wife in this connection had a really nifty series of transits that talked about working on old childhood issues that kept her from connecting in her relationships, back in 2016 when they were in marriage counseling. I saw those and assumed they would reconnect and be wonderful … so I was a wreck.

I didn't think she had it in her, which was what I told him when he dumped me, and what I was doing there in the first place.

Turns out … she didn't have it in her. I heard about that the last time we spoke. So, you really can have tons of transits for something good (or bad) happening in your life, and … choose not to use them.

Which is how I know I'm never going to see him again. He has tons of transits coming about standing up, being less codependent, leaving an awful situation, and ending up in a much better one.

But … you know? That requires WORK. Guts and courage and persistence and willingness to learn skills we didn't learn in childhood that enable us to listen to ourselves and handle resistance from other people who aren't happy.

And that stuff is hard. As we've seen, the only person in this triangle prepared to do any hard work is me.

The fate of the connection was always up to them. She could have done the work to make this a happy marriage. He really could have left, and we could have chosen to be together. (The transits for that start in about three months from now and last for two years.)

If the screenshot I have of recent visits here is all a fellow is going to do, however, I'm not banking on that. There is, after all, the competing line of transits, which talk about him resigning himself to the life he has and making his peace with it, and me just moving on in life.

(I don't have much to move on to. I have the four D's: Doctors, Depends, Dementia, and Death. You could add a fifth D, Debt. And an N, the Nursing home. The trick is to a.) accept that, and b.) Make The Best Of It.)

Of course, that's what we'll do. This guy cannot do hard work, and the third party in a marriage is always the one in the zero position of no power.

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It's nice to be remembered, I guess, and to know something about this was real enough to last eight years. When I find him on here, I'm always happy to see him … now that I know this is all he's ever going to do, and that these visits don't actually mean anything. (He's still alive, anyway. There's goodwill. He doesn't hate me.)

They're nothing to dwell on or to get any hopes up over. He's just thinking about me, and I guess knowing that is nice.

I think about him, too. Mostly to feel sorry for someone who's still, apparently, unhappy enough after eight years to still do this.

I wish it were different, but only one person has the power to make this different, and that person isn't me.

Someone who is happy in their marriage is probably not looking up their old ex-affair partner on sort of a semi-monthly schedule.

But, you know, if you're never going to do anything, why not just forget it? Shit, or get off the pot.

This is no way to live.

Oy.