The Thinking Other Woman

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What's Your Get-Over-It Response Time?

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on March 5, 2022 at 4:50 PM

So, I posted recently about my brother not responding to me when I tried to check in on Facebook how our mother is doing in the hospital. He just didn't answer me, and one of his friends yelled at me. I posted about being utterly alone in the world now, and how it was actually for real. And I was really distressed about that.


What astounded me was, a day or two later, I was like, "Okay. Fine." I haven't been "fine" about having no one to put in my "Contact in case of emergency" blank, like, ever. But, ever since the married guy high-tailed it back to parts only-too-well-known, that's been pretty much my reality. In theory, at least.



Now it was for real.



I guess I've been contemplating it for so long, I finally have gotten used to the idea. I recall taking care of my husband in his dying days, thinking, What am I going to do when this is me and there's no one here? And, Who the hell is going to cremate me and bury me with him? And within a day or two I finally was, just, like, Okay, guess I'll just handle everything alone, then. There are companies who come in and clear out a dead person's personal effects when there's no next of kin. I guess that will be this place, then. Unless I die in a nursing home instead.


Used to be that thought was terrifying. Now, it's just the way it is.


I really think all of us ought to be easing ourselves to that point. Sure, most of us have loved ones, and for most of us the thought of no longer having those loved ones fills us with sorrow and fear. But the fact is, no one is obligated to stay with us or take care of us. And no one should be.


Besides that, anything can happen and a person who has loved ones today may not have them tomorrow. Not only do we need to be prepared to face life-altering diagnoses, terminal illness, and death on our own, but clinging to people just because we are afraid to do this very thing isn't fair to the people or to us. I still appreciate that the married guy cares enough to look in on me. But I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to, and I need to be able to feel okay even if he doesn't.


We wax on and on about how People neeeeeed people and No one should EVER be alooooone!! But, as I'm given to understand it, we really are put here to handle everything we need on our own and spiritual growth means doing just that. Now, I don't mean that the very very rich among us should be able to use this as an excuse to make life as hard as they possibly can for everyone else while they use these very same people to enrich themselves.


Yet, I think we make far, far too much of how desperately we neeeeed other people and how miserable humans are alone. Just because the majority of us feel and do worse when alone, doesn't mean we are supposed to be that way. We think we are ... but we're NOT.


Nobody wants a person to be with them just because the person is afraid of taking care of themselves or facing death alone. Besides, as I've seen with everyone whose death I've witnessed up-close-and-personal: We all face death alone, anyway.


I'm glad I've finally gotten to the point where I'm just ready to get on with things instead of being paralysed with terror. The fact is, life is shitty anyhow. You're going to go through misery, period. At the end of your life, it's just a matter of degree. Might as well buck up and get strong enough to do it. It's called, "Maturing and becoming an adult instead of a child."


Besides, why should I worry about people having to clear away my detritus after I'm gone? By and large, no one much gave a shit while I was here. Someone will have to when I'm dead!


A couple of days after this, my brother messaged me as if I hadn't even messaged him. Asking me how the car was running?? WTF?? Turns out my mother has finally gotten through pneumonia and is going to a rehab center. My stepfather has pretty terrible dementia. It's sad.


Worse, it all happened after his BP hit 300 and he had a stroke. (Which I wonder if that would have happened had he divorced my mother instead of staying around taking a crap from her all these years.) And after that, she stood over his hospital bed berating him for not taking care of himself, with not a kind word to spare, from what I heard. (SEE what I mean??)


I don't know. Whatever.   

Categories: Current Happenings