|Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on February 12, 2022 at 3:50 PM|
I'm still doing the Darlene Lancer codependency book; it's just gotten a little derailed because of the sudden need to start compiling and editing all my old essays into one file and then struggle with KDP. (If you don't know why, check out the "bad news" post a few entries down. I miss reading and interacting on Medium, but I was wasting a lot of time there. I do mean to continue with the exercises from the Darlene Lancer book, maybe tomorrow when it's supposed to be snowing outside. (Ahem! If a certain person IS still here, doing this book yourself wouldn't kill ya. I'm just saying.)
Running this website is pretty strange, because of the hits I get; hence the preceding comment. There's always ONE user with this specific pattern: logs on from a mobile phone and comes DIRECTLY to this blog as if they've got it bookmarked. Doesn't have to search for it; doesn't go to the front page first and then to the blog; only stays here for less than a minute. (And that's why I feel pretty safe writing this; he isn't going to read it. He only read the last post I made to him because I wrote headlines specifically challenging him to.)
In the past, the tracking software on this website tracked this person to a spot about three miles east of where my married ex-BF actually lives, as I told in "Will My **************-area Visitor Please Stand Up?" I used to go, "Isn't that a funny coincidence this person lives so close to him. But it isn't him, see, it's this house here!" Until I realized that when I logged in from a certain Starbucks, the website put ME about three miles away, too.
Then a certain visitor used to go directly to that post and to another one I had addressed specifically to him, over and over again ... but the hits came from ALL over. Paris, France? Birmingham, AL? I don't think so. After making inquiries with a fellow person involved in a three-party situation, a possible answer emerged: A VPN. The friend advised me to install Google Analytics, which, happily, YourTango had some courses on how to use. I had to do this because VistaPrint bought out webs, and the formerly excellent tracking feature got disabled.
Then a certain person apparently forgot and logged on from his home desktop, which registered his location right where I expected it to be. The suspicious visits stopped for about a month after I posted him a letter on here, and I figured that was it: He was gone forever. But then ...
Here are the suspicious hits again ... only Google Analytics shows me it's the same mobile phone, in a city on the coast about an hour and a half from here.
Which I would believe, except ... this visitor, acquired on January 28, has never EVER visited any other page on this website. Only the front page of the blog. And I've never had a visitor from this town before. And they don't do ANYTHING but go to the first page of the blog ... for less than a minute. He's back to his old pattern of two years ago: Checking in here every few days.
And here I'd thought he'd decided to forget about me and move on forever. Ha.
Cue Rhett Butler: "He can't be mentally faithful to his wife but won't be unfaithful to her technically! Why won't he make up his mind?"
(Answer: C-O-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-Y. Or, in other words, "Don't hold your breath.")
Is this guy STILL around???
If he is, I know better than to expect anything. The guy has been doing this for over two years now that I know of.
A guy who hits and runs, sadly ... is nothing but a guy who hits and runs. So, OK. *Shrugs* Whatever. HEY, YOU: I'm learning to IGNORE you, that's what. It would be different if you could actually STEP UP AND TALK, but this is just a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g.
I need to change his code name from Chi to "Bok Bok." This would be amusing, if it weren't so SAD.
(Now, I know that people take time to evolve, and really, look at me. I've taken seven years to get here, myself. And I know that the rate-limiting step in evolution is How Badly Wounded You Were When You Were Little. I know. But I also know that some people just never make it. My mother is one. And who do we seek out in a partner? The parent who wounded us the most! So there you go. But I also know this person has ... HAD ... real potential to heal that he appears to be just wasting.)
(Or not. I am not a resident of this person's mind. And, as I know after seven years of researching affairs: Judging from appearances can be seriously misleading.)
I'm informed via card readings that this person wants to make contact but is afraid. That the third party in this situation has found out about me. (To which I have to say: How the HELL?? If she never found out seven years ago when it was happening, how did she find out now? Was it on his screen and she walked by? Did they go back to counseling and she asked? Or, is this a card reading and therefore ... bogus?)
I'm informed that the thing slowing down the connection is neither of us can believe we're ever supposed to speak again or that this has ANY chance of ever working out. (That would be true in my case. I proceed on the last clear instructions I have from the person, which were, and I quote, "I choose to stay married.")
Kind of hard to argue with that one. If I acted in spite of hearing that last clear statement of position, I would once again be approaching a married man ... and, trust me, the last time was bad enough. I am never ever, never ever, NEVER EVER approaching a married man who intends to stay married, ever, ever again, for any, ANY reason.
So, if he wants me to contact him, he's going to have to change those last instructions. And so far, all this guy can do is hit and run.
Not good enough. Nowhere close.
And this person shows NO sign of EVER being able to do A-N-Ything different. So, okay. To all these card readings that keep saying, You two are afraid to talk to each other, and, Someone has to go first, tough.
I went first last time. It's his turn.
I have to qualify the obvious observation that this person shows no sign of ever taking his turn by pointing out that he doesn't have the transits for it until sometime in 2023 bleeding into 2024. (I saw this way back in 2016. Back then I was going, EIGHT YEARS!! OMG!! I could be dead and dug up by then!) But, you know, one to two years isn't that long.
Then again, this person could also be known, and most appropriately, too, as "The Gutless Wonder." Which is why I'm letting go of any kind of hope. Yeah, sure, a good outcome is in the transits ... but so are a number of other ones, one of which ends happily for his wife and one of which ends badly for all of us. I know the paths to good outcomes, but you can't force anyone else to take them. The only person I have any control over is myself. And I'm supposed to just be by myself and "Find My Life Purpose." (Which, as far as I can tell, is to work myself to death paying bills I'll never pay off, and then die alone in a nursing home. Or, perhaps, on the street, when we reelect Dump and he abolishes Medicare and Medicaid. I've forgotten about writing fiction, because, clearly, I can't write fiction.)
Which is why I'm going to work on this book now instead of bothering my head about this any more.