|Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on January 11, 2022 at 11:10 PM|
I guess you read my last message and for some reason decided to stay away.
I don't know why. Maybe things are much better at home now, and you were only stopping by to check on me, hoping you didn't ruin my life and that I would just go on and find a way to become happy, as you are. Maybe things aren't much better at home and you are coming here wishing you could make contact. Maybe you aren't because of the same reason as before. Maybe you aren't for some other reason.
I have no idea. I wish I knew. All I can do is tell you about myself and how I feel.
I have to assume you're never coming back, and that we'll never see or speak to each other again, because your behavior here is leaving me no other choice. You show up. I post; I speak, and you scat like light and you don't speak.
What else can I possibly do??
I wish it didn't have to be this way. If I could have anything in the world I choose, I would have chosen you. But, it wasn't my choice to make. I wish that things were different every day. Every day.
I don't want you or need you to fix anything about my life anymore. I'm fine, and I'll be okay without you now. I know I can't fix you. What is the saying? Just walk beside me and be my friend.
I guess it's too late for that now. I'd have you in my life if I could, but I can't. So, okay.
You are a very special person. I've never known a mind quite like yours. I wish your heart wasn't so bound up in shame and self-denigration. All that came from your parents, you know? You were an innocent child once, just like your granddaughters and grandson. You didn't deserve the way you were treated. It had nothing to do with you.
I'll always wish it could have worked out. I'll always wish I didn't have to say goodbye. I'll always wish we didn't have to let go and never see each other again.
I'll always love you.
If you ever do want to talk--if you ever can--I'll always be here. There's a contact form on here.
You know where to find me.
A last gift from me to you: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyXt6P7d1IjUAOEzSMX3ONq7SC81jDcWP
Love forever and ever,