|Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on April 20, 2020 at 10:10 PM|
NOW, HERE'S THE INTERESTING THING ABOUT THIS: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(I hope this will be easier to read. I'm finally figuring out how to use the underline bar to put paragraphs in this stupid blog feature that doesn't do formatting anymore. I don't get it. You USED to be able to format a damn blog post in webs.) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________It is ALL over my horoscope, and ALL over their horoscopes, that it was extremely likely that the affair would resume this year. After that, I was scheduled to be DUMPED again next year (because he's still codependent and still can't leave) and then the relationship was extremely likely to become permanent two years later, somewhere around the middle of 2023 into 2024. Moreover, during the year 2022, I was supposed to finally begin to have success writing, and to see some hope of actually establishing a career at it. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The other funny thing about this is, I did one reading for myself before Covid-19 caused all the lockdowns and then one after. Interesting that the time frame for when I was supposed to see this guy again shifted from the spring to the fall. I couldn't believe that, so I did two proxy readings, one for him and one for her. I imagined that if there was anything to card readings, they would all have to agree. Not only did they all agree with one another, but they also sound exactly like our horoscope transits I began studying three years ago. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________THE QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Do I believe that any more? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ANSWER: No. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I don't. I really don't. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I haven't seen this person's face in almost five years. I haven't heard from him in two and a half years. I remember back to when this happened last April: I was thinking about this person, whom I'm calling Chi (after Chiron, the wounded healer of Greek lore), and I was thinking I was willing to let the person go and never to see him again in this life, since that was what looked like was happening anyway. I just wanted to know that there was still goodwill, that he wasn't angry at what had happened, that he wasn't regretting it or upset. I put that out into the Universe last April, and I really wished sincerely that there was some way for me to know that. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Here's what happened: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________About the middle of April, I was made aware of an online astrology class for free on a certain Sunday, and of course I was keen to take it. So I was sitting here on the couch with my feet up that Sunday afternoon, listening to the class, and the instructor was going on about an example and I was getting a bit bored. I kept listening, but I posted an article on my Facebook page while I was on there. And, while I was staring at my Facebook page, I got one of those little notifications you get when someone likes your post. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________It was him. Right while I was sitting there. If I hadn't been looking at my Facebook page at that very moment in time, I would have missed it. He left the "like" there for about five minutes, and then I guess he bethought himself that he'd better not do that, because it disappeared. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________*Right* after I had wished for some sort of signal from the Universe that there was still some goodwill there. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I haven't had any signal like that since, even though I did ask for one recently. (Unless you count the person from his area who was visiting this website very frequently, whom I addressed in a prior blog and received no answer from. The visitor from that area has been back. I presume they saw the blog. IF that visitor is even him. Perhaps not �?� although who else from that area would spend THAT much time on this website, I wonder?) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________The simple fact is: When you haven't seen someone in five years, it's because they're gone, and they're never coming back. When they haven't spoken to you in two and a half years, it's because they're gone and they're never coming back. When you haven't received even so much as a sign from them in a year, it's because they're gone and they're never coming back. I hoped and I hoped and I waited and I waited �?� for *five years.* What am I supposed to think?? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________There's wishes and hopes, and then there's reality. After five years, all wishes and hopes start to die. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________SO: How do we explain the continued presence of these predictions in a horoscope and card readings, even though the person is long gone and their complete silence is signaling their intention to STAY long gone?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________The explanation with regards to horoscope readings is simple: As noted in my Yods tabs, your natal chart and your transits are determined at birth. They explain what was likely to happen in your life and what your potential was AT BIRTH. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________However, we all have free will, and things change. Maybe we were born with the potential to have this relationship and make a go of it. Maybe I was born with the potential to be successful as a writer. However, things just haven't worked out that way. He decided to stay married, and that was it. Whatever I was supposed to have done to establish a writing career, I just missed some cue or some fork in the road, and I haven't done it. I'm on the road where it doesn't happen now. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I don't see what it was I was supposed to have done, I have no inspiration, I don't find this fun anymore, nothing I write has gotten anything much in the way of readership, and I see that I am, in fact, pretty mediocre. Whatever it is that I can say, someone with a string of degrees has already said it better, and pretty much everyone in my writer's group these days has more talent than I do. This I see quite clearly. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________If this has had any good effect at all, it's done one thing: cured me of narcissism. One thing's for sure: Being raised the way I was made me desperate for attention and success, to please my parents and to prove to myself that I was worthy of love and attention. When the fact is, we're ALL worthy of love and attention, and we're ALL worthy of having our basic needs met. ALL people are. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In America we've created this thought construct that only the very top 1% of any group is good enough to deserve anything, and that group, by virtue of being better, has the right and privilege to exploit all other groups, to take, steal, and con basic monies those groups need for basic essentials so that they can afford Gulf Stream jets and their own private islands. (That's why today we have the poor clamoring to reopen the economy even though they risk dying of Covid-19 . . . because we don't believe in a state that assists people even during a global pandemic, and our super rich are using the resources they've hoarded from their tax breaks to escape to their bunkers instead of assisting everyone else. Jeff Bezos could singlehandedly buy all the ventilators we need in the nation and not even count the cost, he's that rich. Really.) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________But this mindset isn't true, even though I, like everyone else, fell victim to it. I, like my parents, like everyone else, fell victim to the idea that if I didn't get the BEST grades, if I wasn't some kind of prominent star, that meant I was nothing and deserved to denigrate myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________That's what we all do in this country. Because we aren't the pinnacle of success, we think we don't deserve anything. That's why we don't insist that those who are extremely wealthy contribute back to the common good and help the rest of us. All we see is the top, and the rest of us deserve no common good because we aren't the top. When . . . without the rest of us, there IS no top. So why do we persecute ourselves because we're not the top? When the world's great religions, properly understood, are all telling mankind the SAME THING: All of you are worthy. All you have to do is love one another and SHARE. (So what do we do? We lionize the Jeff Bezos and the Elon Musks, and we murder the Jesus Christs and the Martin Luther Kings and the JFK's. Instead of paying all people enough so they can have a savings to see themselves through crises like this. And we call THAT economy "the one that's going to save mankind." And we're willing to die to restore the economy that's KILLING us.) ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Following this same bent in human thought, I was a real narcissist, because I was desperate to reach the top because I felt worthless. And, if this has done anything, it's cured me of that. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________So what's happened is, Chi and I chose different roads. This happened two and a half years ago, and now it's long over. I had the choice to go back to this relationship two and a half years ago, and I turned it down, because I saw just horrible transits happening if he was still married, and based on everything I'd read and studied, I didn't doubt them one bit. And he chose to stay married. And that was that. We chose that road, and now it's over. The planets will still progress in the heavens the way they do, and all that reflects is the choices we could have made but didn't. Now we're on other roads, and that's the end of this relationship. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________It seems as if card readings, done as they are for this three month time period here and that time period there, would reflect the road we chose and not the road we didn't. So why am I still getting card readings like this? I just picked an online one the other night that talked about having to leave someone behind, and not doing it in a vindictive spirit. Why am I still getting that?? I don't have anybody in my life; that was all over two years ago, and all direct evidence I have adds up to that still being the case. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I guess those who believe that card readings are crap are probably correct based on these developments. Although I will say that there have been times in my life they were indeed spot-on. About three months before I got dumped in a relationship and my husband asked me out two weeks later, my friend who read tarot predicted that, and it came true. The cards also said about my mentally ill mother that I was overly concerned about not causing harm in the relationship, and that there wasn't anything I could do to cause harm in the relationship. (Which I now completely understand: It was so bad there was nothing I could do to make it any worse! LOL!) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________So, I don't get it. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________All I can do is look at these situations, and ask myself: WTF do I believe? Tarot and fairy cards and astrology, or direct evidence? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I believe the direct evidence. The direct evidence that says this person is longlonglonglonglong gone, and that I am not good enough to earn lifechanging money as a writer. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________At least the astrology, I can see the explanation for it no longer being predictive. In my case, astrology has been VERY instructive and helpful, at least up UNTIL the fork in the road, and I can see good justification for using it, as long as one also pursues other avenues of information and their faculties of common sense. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________The card readings? They tell very sweet stories, and they're comforting stories to read, but in the absence of direct evidence, I don't believe them anymore. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I'd also like to use this last blog here to bid everyone goodbye. I expect this to become a dead website from here on out, because without anything new happening, I really won't have anything new to say. There won't be anything new to write about. I hope the content here will be helpful to some, and you can always drop me a line on the contact page. I do check in from time to time. For those who've been reading, thanks for being here. If anything new does happen, I'll post about it . . . but I wouldn't bet on that.