The Thinking Other Woman

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WHY you can have something ALL over your horoscope, yet it doesn't actually happen. PART ONE

Posted by The Thinking Other Woman on April 20, 2020 at 9:20 PM
I've come to a lot of realizations in the past six weeks or so that have utterly changed my entire life and made me a completely different person. I've been wanting to write about that, but found it difficult to organize my ideas. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Until I came upon this linked article: https://medium.com/blueinsight/reassessing-life-after-fifty-619c65a50bc9_____________________________________________________________________ I think the most profound realization I have had is that I don't need to "let life be all about me" because it always *was* all about me, only in a very driven and unhealthy way. To try and explain succinctly, let me answer the questions posed in the article:_______________________________________________________________________________________________________What is the single most important thing you want to accomplish during the remainder of your life?_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________If it's some chore or bit of work in front of me that has to get done, I want to get it done and get it done happily and in a good mood in the moment, not resentfully and with anger, or putting it off because I believe I am supposed to be doing something glorious, in some narcissistic dream of who I should be or will become that has nothing to do with reality. This applies to my job, my household chores, and my maintenance of my health.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________· What do I want to do now I never let myself do in the past?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I did all that stuff. I am done now. All I have to do now is learn to want to do what I have to do._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________· What are the three biggest mistakes I have made in my life and what I have I learned from them that will help me now?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________1.) Narcissism. Believing I have some grand destiny to be bigger and better than other people and accomplish great and noteworthy things because my parents and family didn't love me enough when I was little and I still believe I have to be a renowned star at something in order to be good enough for Mommy and Daddy to love me. Needing and using other people to support a narcissistic fantasy of mine._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2.) Experiencing myself as a little child who cannot be okay all on her own so she needs someone to be her mommy, daddy, and family to provide esteem, love, shelter, money, food, and care, and aiming that at another person and calling it "love."_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3.) Living in constant rage at the world or rage at myself because I am not the success I see others becoming. Contrary to what American society teaches us, we do not have to make ourselves a biggida-big-big success at something in order to be good enough to deserve life's bare-bones basics, or to deserve to esteem ourselves as good-enough human beings.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________· What are the twenty-five things I must get done before I die (yes, the old bucket list is still alive as a life concept)?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Nothing. (Repeat twenty-five times.)_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Actually, at 51, what I have discovered is what life will not allow me to be, do, and have, and what I have no choice about. It's quite a list. I can see now that I'm never going to make it as a writer and might as well give up the idea of writing if I plan for it to be for any kind of reading audience or any form of financial remuneration. The person this website is about is never, ever coming back. More than likely I will never pay off all the debt I'm in, have enough to retire on comfortably, or remodel my condo. I will have the job I'm in now until I am too old and feeble to do that job anymore. (And then, if the Republicans abolish Medicaid, god have mercy on me!)_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I actually have only six things left to accomplish in this lifetime on earth:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________1. ) Accept the reality of the above list._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2. ) Eliminate all goals, plans, and needs, especially any that arose from being insufficiently loved in childhood. (Since all of my goals, plans, and needs were unhealthy and arose from my unhealthy childhood, that means I must eliminate ALL of them.) This will enable me to_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3. ) Learn to be perfectly happy with life exactly as it is.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________4. ) Get old._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________5. ) Acquire a terminal illness, and_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________6. ) Gracefully leave the planet.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________WHY IS THIS ALL IMPORTANT, AND WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH MY AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN?_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________If you've read the rest of this website, and especially the four panels about "My Yod" you will know that everything I've wanted and tried to choose in my life hasn't worked out. Got Married: Husband died of brain cancer. Wanted to escape career by becoming a writer earning income-replacing money: Met failure at every turn. Tried to Be A Renowned Star at *something* so I could feel like a person who deserved to feel proud of who she was: Failed. Failed. Failed. Failed. Tried to snare a married man largely for the same reason: Doomed to absolute failure._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Those who have read my yods tab know by now that this phenomenon is symbolized in my horoscope by Saturn at the tip of my yod. Everything, everything, everything I think I need or try to do, the universe puts a block up and says, "No, you can't do that."___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________NOW, HERE COMES THE INTERESTING THING ABOUT THIS...

Categories: Astrology, Life Lessons